Mommy Confession - Pride

I'm sure you haven't noticed but I haven't been blogging. I'm not really sure why and I'd like to be able to answer that question. Maybe it's because I have not been doing much with Michaela in the Tot School department. Maybe it's because I've been spending too much time reading other blogs. Maybe I've become a little lazy.

All of those reasons could be the case but I really think it's just a bad habit I have. I get really zealous about making some changes in our lives and then I get burnt out. I have begun to notice a pattern. Want a few examples?

Started "Flying" with the Fly lady (another post for another time. You can check out her website if you'd like.) Loved this but I ended up quitting.

Blogging. I have a tendency to go through ebbs and flows with this hobby. I do it for a while then quit but I really like doing it so why do I quit?

Tot School. I got really into planning out activities and even devoted a whole room for her school. No sooner did I start making this a part of our schedule did I find myself backing off day by day.

Sewing. I made a few cute things, got really excited and then put the cover on my machine.

My latest fad is natural cooking. I decided I didn't want to continue to eat boxed, processed meals so I have been scouring the internet and blogs to find natural, frugal recipes. I have also decided to make all of Corbin's baby food instead of buying jar foods. I wonder how long this one will last for me?

I really struggle with committing to the changes I want to make in my life and my family's life. All of these habits/hobbies are good for my family but I can't seem to make them stick. I notice when I start to implement the changes I become prideful. I really honestly don't want to have this attitude but it seems to happen time and time again.

It would be very easy to blame this one on Satan but I really think this is something that I need to take responsibility for so Christ can help me overcome it. Every time I see the pride I just tend to stop doing what is making me feel proud and not deal with the root of the problem. This only ends up hurting my family since the habits and hobbies are edifying and my intentions are genuinely God-honoring. Somewhere along the way I let my sinful nature get the best of me.

I'm not telling anyone this so that I can get a pat on the back for spilling my guts. If I want to continue to blog and share my experiences with other Moms I need accountability. My husband and I have learned that keeping our sins in the dark can only make them worse. I would rather confess my sins to God and others so that I can move forward and strive to be the woman that God intends for me to be.

Does anyone else struggle with this? If so, what have you done to help correct this sin?

Acquire Wisdom! Acquire Understanding!

This morning I felt led to share some things that God is showing me in the book of Proverbs. I started reading Teach them Diligently: How to use the scripture in child training by Louis Priolo. While reading I realized that I hadn't memorized a lot of scripture. It was becoming increasingly hard to use scripture to discipline her when I didn't have enough of it stored in my head and my heart. This lead to my study of Proverbs. This is an amazing book for wisdom. I didn't realize how much of it could pertain to child rearing! I guess that is the amazing thing about His word; you can always learn somthing new.

Wow. I'm really chasing a rabbit here. Let me get back to my point ;).

Sometimes I feel, what's the word...silly when using biblical language to correct Michaela. It's not something I heard growing up and it's not the main stream way of correction. I second guess myself and think that maybe she is just too young to understand "obey", "honor", "respect", "wise", etc. I mean, she's only two.

But God confirmed to me this morning through His word that I should continue to use the scriptures to correct her. Proverbs 4:3-9 says,

³When I was a son to my father,

Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother,
⁴Then he taught me and said to me,

"Let your heart hold fast my words;

Keep my commandments and live;
⁵Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding!
Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.
⁶"Do not forsake her, and she will guard you;
Love her, and she will watch over you.
⁷"The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom;
And with all your acquiring, get understanding.
⁸"Prize her, and she will exalt you;
She will honor you if you embrace her.
⁹"She will place on your head a garland of grace;
She will present you with a crown of beauty."

King David taught Solomon at a young age about wisdom. My first thought was that he had to be very young because it said the only son in the sight of my mother. I assummed there were more children so he was probably very young. He still might have had more children with Bathesheba but it doesn't mention it in scripture so I don't want to make that assumption. He does use the word tender so we can say that he was a young person.

From the young age David is teaching Solomon to acquire wisdom and acquire understanding. According to Webster's dictionary acquire means "to get as one's own". My goal as a mom is to lead my children to love wisdom and to fear God. I don't want them to fear me as a parent because one day I will not be here. One day they will leave my sight but they will never leave the sight of God.

Not only am I to teach her wisdom but I also have to teach her how to use this wisdom. She needs to acquire understanding. I need to let her see how the Bible is practical in her everyday life. Another goal is to show her that God wants her to use His word everyday. To be a Christian doesn't just mean we go to church. It means we are striving to follow Christ and become more like him everyday.

So I guess this means I need to continue to feel silly.

Thanks for showing this to me God and letting me share your wisdom with others.

Mommy Confession Update

About a week ago I wrote a post about my lack of discipline in getting up before the children. I realized that I could no longer function in the chaos!

I just wanted to give you an update and maybe some encouragement. I can promise you that I am so not a morning person. I love staying up late and HATE, HATE, HATE getting up early. However, the last few weeks have been so amazing. I have gotten up around 6:30 most mornings. (After the first week I found myself slipping back on the couch hitting the snooze. Bad idea!) My days have went so much smoother. I have felt energized and focused.

More importantly my relationship with God has been growing a lot. I've actually been anticipating "our" time in the mornings and not just checking it off my list. I'm so excited that I have a desire for His word again. I'm still amazed that he lets me run back into his arms when I so blatantly neglect him.

If you read the post and thought you could never make that commitment to get up let me encourage you to at least try it for a week. You will be amazed at how much different your days will be if you put the Lord first!

Confession of the Sleep Deprived Mommy

I stay up way too late.

Almost every night.

I'm not sure when exactly this horrible habit started but I really need it to stop. (I tried to actually go to bed at a decent hour but it was too early and I woke up and was not able to go back to sleep.)

I really think that this bad sleep schedule is affecting my family and my relationship with God negatively.

First and foremost, my children are usually the ones to wake me up. I have been getting up with them. This starts the day off way too chaotic. Most mornings I don't spend any time with God because as soon as my feet hit the ground I am taking care of little ones. I always say I'll do it during nap time or while they are playing but this rarely happens. It also makes me feel very rushed and unprepared for the day. I don't feel like I have on any armor, let alone the full armor. And it never fails that most nights I go to bed without giving God the proper priority in my life.

Secondly, it affects my children. Mostly because if Mommy is not in tune with God, she is not going to be properly equipped to train and lead them for the day. Also, I'm not really ready to give them proper care and attention in that first hour or so. I'm not a morning person at all.

When I let her wake me up breakfast will usually consist of a cereal bar, banana and milk. There is no thought to the nutritional value at all. She eats the easiest thing from the cabinet. She will also watch tv because it is nearly impossible to give Corbin his bottle and do anything else. (He likes to cry off and on during feedings.) I would really like to teach Michaela to spend time with God in the morning and get a good start to her day. I'm learning that it is extremely hard to break a bad habit once it's established.

I have justified staying up late in the past by saying it's the only time that I can get things done around here since the kids are asleep. There is some truth to this statement but I need to look at how it is affecting my priorities and my family. If I put God first He will give me the desires of my heart. I really think that if I put God first the rest will fall into place.

My goal for the week:

Get up at 6:30 every morning. This should give me 1.5-2 hours in the morning before the kiddos get up. I'll let you know how it goes.

(p.s.- I posted this at 12:47 at night.)

Has it really been THAT long?!?!?

I just have to admit that I am the world's worst blogger. I just seem to fall of the invisible internet world and then randomly appear again. This time I have a good reason. Well, I guess first trimester pregnancy is an okay excuse but this one is better.

(This turned out to be a looonnggg post but the end is worth it. God is amazing!)

First of all, we had our second child. Corbin Isaiah was born on April 8, 2009. The birth itself was awesome! Thank God it went exactly like I had envisioned, with the exception of induction. I had developed high blood pressure and it was becoming dangerous for the baby and myself. The contractions started at 4 pm. At 8 pm I was 3 cm and then at 9:00 I was 10 cm. Corbin was born at 9:34. I was even able to have him without an ephideral because my husband was a wonderful lamaze coach! Thanks honey!

Everything seemed to be going great. They seemed to be able to get my blood pressure back down and everyone seemed pretty healthy. The night before I was to be discharged from the hospital they told me that Corbin was not going to be released because he had lost more than ten percent of his birth weight. Since Corbin was going to be kept one more day, the doctor said he would let me stay another night. God knew exactly why Corbin lost the weight: I needed to be in the hospital the next day.

That morning my blood pressure started to rise. The doctors started medication that morning but it still wasn't working. They decided to go ahead and give me a shot. About 30 minutes after the shot, I started feeling pretty bad. My heart started to beat exceptionally fast and I was becoming short of breath. I paged my nurse and waited for a few minutes. I pressed the button again but by the time she got in the room I was barely breathing and my heart rate was 190.

After many tests and 24 hours in the ICU, the doctors still do not know why this happened to me. I do know that God made sure that I was still in the hospital when this happened. I couldn't imagine what would have happened if I would have been at home! I am so thankful that Little Man lost enough weight to justify being in the hospital another night.

We spent a week in the hospital and then it just took me a while to get adjusted to "normal". I didn't mean to let blogging, or Michaela's school for that matter, go for so long but it just happened. I was about to start again but...

We decided to go to the zoo one day. The day seemed like any other day until we decided to get on the train. Chris was sitting in the cart in front of me and I was holding Corbin on my lap and I had Michaela sitting next to me with my arm around her. As we went around a curve the train derailed.

I don't want to go into too many details, but everone in the family except me was hospitalized that day. Michaela had some bleeding on her brain and had to have plastic surgery. Corbin had a fractured skull and Chris, who had been pinned under the train, had broken both bones in the lower part of his leg. He also had severe road rash on both legs. (This is not a full list of the injuries but this gives you the gist of what happened.)

I spent the next week living at the 2 hospitals. We have an AMAZING children's hospital right here in our city and it's only 3 blocks from our trauma hospital! The kids were released about a week later and Chris was there about 3 weeks total. We are all home now and everyone is recovering beautifully. God is so good and faithful. It has been amazing to see the great physician work in our lives.

Today I got to think about something though. I started to think about the children's names. Michaela's middle name is Grace. I can tell you right now it is only by the grace of God that she is still here. It is only by the grace of our wonderful healer that the bleeding was stopped on her brain. It is only by the grace of God that I get to see my baby turn two next month.

Corbin's middle name, Isaiah, means "saved by God." We chose that because Corbin means "dark and bruding" and we wanted something to balance it out. (Can you tell that we really like choosing names because of significance and meaning?) Anyway... I was thinking about Corbin's short life. Within the first few days God used him to possibly save my life. He was the only reason I was at the hospital when I had my 'attack'. Then just a few weeks later God used me to help save Corbin's life. As we were falling over, I can remember pulling him close to me and wrapping my body around his while I was grabbing Michaela. God has already saved him and he has been used as an instrument to save someone else. I pray that God will continue to use him to save many more people!

So needless to say, I haven't had much time for blogging lately. But I think I'm back.

Vanity of Vanities! All is vanity.

Ecclesiastes 1:¹The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
²"Vanity of vanities," says the Preacher,
"Vanity of vanities! All is vanity."...
⁸All things are wearisome;
Man is not able to tell it.
The eye is not satisfied with seeing,
Nor is the ear filled with hearing.
⁹That which has been is that which will be,
And that which has been done is that which will be done.
So there is nothing new under the sun.

Vanity:(from Webster's Dictionary) 1: something that is vain, empty, or valueless 2: the quality or fact of being vain

Vain: (from Webster's Dictionary) 1: having no real value 2: marked by futility or ineffectualness

In the past few days I have felt a tidal wave of conviction. You probably know what I'm talking about. It's the times, as my preacher would say, that you "have been taken to the Holy Ghost woodshed for a good whippin" (He's from down south in Alabama). Last night God confirmed these convictions and lovingly gave me a little wisdom and direction.

You see, I have felt like I have been in a spiritual pit or valley for a while. I have been continuing to go through the motions but it has felt completely empty and ineffective. I would read my bible, do my bible studies with a friend, pray with Michaela every night. The typical rituals that Christians have but felt nothing.

Finally, I began to pray to have a desire again. God will always answer when we ask with a sincere heart. He began to show me that I have no desire or joy because I am trying to find meaning from anything and everything apart from Him. Everything I try to accomplish is meaningless and ineffective without Him. He is the only reason I will find joy.

This also spills over into my work with Michaela. Verses 3&4 of Ecclesiastes 1 say: ³What advantage does man have in all his work Which he does under the sun? ⁴A generation goes and a generation comes, But the earth remains forever. Where am I teaching her to get her joy from? Soon I will be gone and I only get one shot to instill God's values into her. It is great if she knows her colors, how to count and transfer objects. However, all of my work is meaningless if I do not teach her about the greatest source of joy and satisfaction in her life.

We need more Bible time in Tot School.

The Best Children's Bible!

If you have ever shopped for a child's bible, you have probably been just as frustrated as I have been. I received a few bibles for Michaela when she was born but there was a problem. A lot of the infant and toddler bibles leave out the most important part...Jesus dying on the cross! One of the bibles she has seriously ends with "Jesus loves the little children."
While that is a great message for her to hear, it is not the complete story. I want her to experience what the Bible tells her in it's entirety.

I have found the perfect Bible to accomplish that goal. The Big Picture Story Bible by David Helm is great for little ones! It has both the Old Testament and the New Testament. The testaments are broken into many different parts so that you can read a section at a time. For children with a short attention span (that would be mine) you can read quickly because there are not a lot of words on each page and the pictures are very vibrant.

What a great gift for the preschoolers on your Christmas list!

Being Thankful

November is a great time to emphasize gratitude with your children. This year we decided to focus on one thing we are thankful for each day of the month. We write it out on a cut-out and place it on the pantry door in our kitchen. This is a place that we will see many times a day. I love having this reminder every day!





The heart that is constantly overflowing with gratitude will be safe from those attacks of resentfulness and gloom that bother so many persons.
-A.W. Tozer

Enjoying Every Season

I haven't always been the biggest fan of fall because it means the cold weather is coming soon. I hate snow. I hate feeling swaddled with clothes. I just plain hate the cold weather. I also hate racking leaves. (As you can see by the tremendous pile in our yard!)
This year I have decided to look at this season with new eyes. Maybe it's because we have a toddler who is experiencing fall for the first time. Maybe God is just trying to teach me to enjoy every season of life instead of only enjoying the ones that I like.
I never realized how much your attitude can effect your outlook. Normally, I would look at the front yard and be upset because we have to rack leaves. Now, I am looking at the leaves as a chance for Michaela to play. To watch the dog run through the front yard. To explore the leave and to feel the texture. To teach her about God and the beautiful creation He has made.
Today I am thankful for a new attitude. I am thankful for the different seasons of life we get to enjoy...no matter how much we may not like them.

No Matter Who Wins

10 PREDICTIONS NO MATTER WHO WINS THE ELECTION

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.

2. Prayer will still work.

3. The Holy Spirit will still move.

4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.

5. There will still be God-anointed teaching and healing.

6. There will still be singing of praise to God.

7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.

8. There will still be room at the Cross.

9. Jesus will still love you.

10. Jesus will still save the lost.

ISN'T IT GREAT TO KNOW WHO IS REALLY IN CONTROL!

My Little Helper

I love when teachable moments come that I do not expect. Some of you may not think this is a very teachable moment, but I think it is a great way to teach Michaela how to become a great woman.
I was cleaning the window of our front storm door. I had walked outside to wash the other side and when I looked down Michaela was "cleaning" the door with my older wipes. It was so adorable! She watched me clean and did exactly the same thing.

(Please excuse the glare. I was outside taking the picture.)

So, why would I call this a "teachable moment"? I really feel that a lot of little girls are not being trained to become true women. Women who can clean a home, nurture their children and love their husbands. The gender lines are being so blurred. I feel that any time I can make Michaela understand what it really means to be a woman I am being obedient to God.
I know helping a 1 year old "wash" a window doesn't seem like being obedient, but all too often we look over the importance of raising our children to be godly. We begin to see it as an every day task instead of our mission and ministry from God. At least I do all too often. I'm trying to open my eyes to see more of God in my every day tasks.

I love technology!

We got to see our precious new miracle for the first time yesterday. It was so amazing! When I see things like this I can't help but thank God for creating us. I am in complete awe of how someone so small can be so real. In the pictures below, the baby is only about 3 inches big from head to toe but look at the details of this child. (I know it's kind of blurry because he/she is so small but it's still there). This precious little one even has a very strong heartbeat. I can't imagine how it can be legal to take away their life at such a young "age".

This last picture is remarkable to me.

You can see the profile, the legs and even the umbilical cord!

Believing God through the Sifting Process

Beth Moore is an amazing Bible teacher. Well, let me rephrase that because she would not want me giving her the glory... God has made Beth Moore an amazing teacher of His word. I have learned so much through the studies He has instructed her to write.
Presently, I am going through Believing God with Beth and a group of women at our church. It was God's perfect timing to do this study right now. It has been exactly what I have needed in my life. The basic gist of this study can be summed up in one question: You believe IN God, but do you believe Him? It has been very eye opening.
She said something tonight that I can't seem to get out of my head. I actually felt like I had to get up out of bed to share this with you all. Maybe this is for someone else besides me or maybe God just really wants this to sink in. Either way, let me back up and give you a scriptural starting point.
Luke 22:31, 32: 31"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you^[a] as wheat. 32But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."
The person speaking to Simon in this passage was Jesus himself. God gave Beth so many nuggets in these 2 verses and I am grateful that she passed this knowledge on to us.
First of all, Satan didn't just ask to sift Simon. The "you" in verse 31 is plural. Satan was asking to sift all of us. This verse wasn't intended for this lone disciple. Satan doesn't just seek to sift the people in the ancient days. He looks to sift all of us.
Secondly, and this may be the most important point, is that God will allow Satan to sift you if there are things in your life that need to go. Otherwise, he gets a big fat no. This was very profound to me tonight because I feel like I am being sifted over and over again. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel self righteous about this because I wasn't the "cause" of the problem. I didn't throw myself into the pit, so what can I learn? It's not my fault.
Either way, God has allowed this to happen in my life. Maybe, just maybe, there hasn't been a major healing because I am not allowing God to do what he wants to do in my own life. I need to get rid of some of the fleshy things in order for the things of the Spirit to move in.
Thirdly, if Satan is allowed to sift Jesus will pray for you so that you may not fail. I can really relate to this point as well. Lately, I have felt as if I just didn't have it in me to press on. I was at my breaking point. I actually said to myself recently, "I am at the end of my rope and letting go. I really hope God is there to hold on to me." Thankfully, He was there and He will continue to be there for me, especially when I don't have the strength to pray for myself.
Lastly, when all the dust has settled we are to strengthen one another. We are to encourage one another. This was very affirming in my own life. I know that God has called me into ministry. It happened 7 months after He so graciously saved me. It has been 3 years since that calling and I have felt like maybe I got it wrong. Like maybe I was just really excited about the transformation in my life and got ahead of myself. Maybe I was ahead of myself, but I do not doubt the calling that God has on my life and Chris' life. God's timing is not mine, which is a great thing. I can tell you that if I were to pursue what God has envisioned for me right now, I would fall flat on my face. I am just not ready for that yet. I see too many things within myself that just aren't right. There is still way too much me and not enough of Him.
As for the struggles and trails, I have a new perspective. I can look at this through the lens of sifting. I will try to ask myself daily what needs to be removed from my life. I will close with a paraphrase from tonight's lesson:

He has places to take us, but there are some things in us that can't go there and some things of the Spirit that need to go there.

I am going to believe God to take us to that place...no matter the cost.

Why Should We Read God's Love Letter

Yesterday I ran across a index card I kept in my bible. It was from a sermon entitled, "Why should we read God's love letter?" As I went through each of the verses, I was amazed with God's love for us. I also fell in love with the Word all over again. I'd like to share some of the verses with you.

Acts 20:32: 32"Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified.

Psalm 119:130 The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

1 Peter 2:2 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation,

2 Timothy 2:15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

Matthew 4:4 Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

James 1:23-25 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

1 Peter 1:23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

Proverbs 6:23 For these commands are a lamp,
this teaching is a light,
and the corrections of discipline
are the way to life,

Ephesians 6:17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Hebrews 5:12-14 12In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

Jeremiah 23:29 "Is not my word like fire," declares the LORD, "and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?

1 Peter 3:15, 16 15But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

I would also like to say thank you to preacher Dave Adams. He really strived to teach from the Word, rather than his own opinion. This message was full of God's truth and it really stuck with me. (I only listed about half of the verses he gave us that day!)

Countercultural Calm

Without any warning to anyone, I decided that I needed a break from a 'screen'. God started to show me that I was spending way to much time being entertained by either a TV or a computer. I had to have a break from Technology.

I love technology. I think it is a great way to stay in touch with people and a great way to learn. The problem is that we can be consumed by it. Blogging, email, social networking sites, news, games and the list can go on and on. There is so much to do on the Internet and a of of it can be beneficial.

I was doing pretty good with monitoring my online time until my friends signed me up for facebook. I would spend a lot of time just reading other peoples profiles. It was nice to see people from high school. I can even say that in my case it can be a great witnessing tool because I was very wild in high school. (I was not saved until the age of 20.) I would bet that most people who knew me in high school would not expect to see the content of my profile. There is a real change in the person I was and the person that I am in Christ.

However, I cannot sacrifice my personal relationships for online relationships. I decided to take a break from television and the Internet. I picked up a few books that I have always wanted to read. It has been a very refreshing 10 days.

In the book Finding your Purpose as a Mom there is a chapter on creating a countercultural calm in your home. Our culture is so busy. A lot of women find themselves rushing from one activity to another. Why do we do this to ourselves? It doesn't have to be so hurried. Life hasn't always been so fast paced.

Donna Otto makes a few simple suggestions in her book:

First, try backing up a little, taking steps to simplify your schedule and your life. This may mean you need to drop some activities and get rid of some items. At the very least, think about what you're trading off to keep up with today's culture. Is all the stuff in your life really worth the time you must invest in it?
Another way to counter the dominant cultural hurry-up trend is to reduce your dependence on technology. Perhaps a better way to put it is to be sure technology works for you-not you for it. Because there is something almost hypnotic or even addictive about "toys" such as televisions and computers, you may need to make rules for yourself.

Right now, I am asking God to show me how I should use technology. What rules do I need to make in my life to make sure my priorities are straight? How can I create a countercultural calm in my home? How can I use technology to glorify Him?

I wish I could

I really wish I could write better.

I wish I was a little more eloquent and grammatical. I wish I could take better pictures. I wish I thought of certain activities. I wish I could be diligent enough to read to my daughter every day. I wish my house was clean all the time.

I wish...

In the world of blogging, I think we can get so caught up in comparing ourselves to other women. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, "I wish I could write better. They are so creative!" We can get so caught up in looking like other Mommies that inspire us that we forget that God made us unique.

Michaela is my daughter because God choose me as her Mom. He knew I would have exactly what she needed.

Maybe I don't have everything right now. Actually, I can say that I know I have not learned everything possible! He is constantly shaping and molding me through the set of circumstances that I call life. I will use this qualities to be more like Christ and to be a better Mom.

For now, I am going to focus my mind on one thing: Remembering that God made me unique and He loves me for who I am. The only person that I truly need to compare myself to is Jesus. He is the only one I need to be more like.

I wish I could remember this everyday.

Faith Like Gideon

Do you ever just sit back and wonder what God is up to? Do you ever just look around at the circumstances in your life and wonder how it will all work out? Last month, I posted a story about leaving work to stay home with Michaela full time. We were absolutely positive that was the direction that God was taking us. Having said that, we are STILL sure we made the right decision.

A few weeks before we made the decision, we visited another church with some friends. The pastor talked about the story of Gideon. If you aren't familiar with the story, I can paraphrase it for you. God told Gideon he would save Israel, but Gideon did not feel like he was confident enough to defeat the army. God assured him that he would defeat the Midianites but he also told him that he had too many men. God let 22,000 of his men go back home. He was left with 10,000 but God told him that it was still too many men. God wouldn't receive the glory. Gideon was left with 300 men to defeat the Midianites. Thankfully, God is all powerful. Gideon and his mean saved Israel from the Midianites and God received all the glory because Gideon's army couldn't have won the battle without him.

When we made the decision for me to leave my job, God was making the first cut. We weren't going to have all the money we needed but we knew that God would provide a way. Later that same week God made the second cut: Chris lost his job. My first instinct was to run back to work and ask for my job back. How are we going to survive? How are we going to pay our bills? But I knew with all my heart, that we had made the right decision. It is God's will for my family to have me at home to train Michaela in the ways of the Lord. It is God's will for me to be at home to make a safe haven for my husband to come home to everyday. I couldn't bring myself to turn my back on God's will.

So, here we are. The funny thing is though, God has reminded me of the story of Gideon so many times. Chris and I were cleaning house the other day and I turned on the radio. Do you know what was on? Someone I had never heard of before, but he was talking about the story of Gideon. Our pastor has mentioned Gideon in the last couple weeks. I really think that God is trying to tell us something!

I don't know how this is going to work out but I do know who can and will work it out. I want to have faith like Gideon to do what God says and let him get the glory for the result. It doesn't seem rational but God can do anything. Who am I to get in his way?

What He doesn't let happen to us

Imagine the scene: The baby is sitting on the floor innocently playing with her toys. The parents have moved the couch over so that she is blocked into the living room. The dog decides that he wants to play in the living room as well, so he leaps over the couch. Just as the dog is about to land right on the baby with claws ready to pierce the skin, Mom jumps up and catches the dog. The baby looks up, smiles at Mom and continues to play with her toys never knowing the danger that just eluded her.

That was a real scenario at our house last night.

Immediately, I began to wonder how many times in my life God "caught the dog" before it landed on me. How many times did Satan try to destroy something in me life but God said no? I think too many times I focus on the negative aspects of my life without thanking God enough for the blessings. I want to try to remember to be thankful in all situations because I never know what He could have let happen to me.

Where have I been?!?

I cannot believe that it has been over a week since I have wrote anything on here! I haven't been at work as much and to be honest, I get a lot of blogging done on my lunch breaks. But there is good news about why I haven't been at work....

July 14th is my last day working full time!! I get to come home to my baby! I will still have to work a part time job for about 15 hours a week to make ends meet, but I am so thankful to have the opportunity to really devote my time to my real purpose from God! We have known for a long time that my purpose is to be at home to take care of my husband, my home and my child. We just had to figure out the logistics in order to make it a reality.

This has been one of the most frightening decisions we have ever made. We have been praying and fasting about this decision for a while now. My affirmation from God finally came one night after Chris and Michaela had already went to bed. I sat down and wrote out our budget again (for the 17th time). I looked at the facts on paper and just starting crying. I asked God why He really wanted us to do this. When I looked at the facts on paper it just didn't seem rational. He told me to pick up the Bible in front of me and read 1 Corinthians 7.

At first, I thought it was just me making up some random verse but once I started reading I knew it was a message straight from Him. The entire chapter was about marriage. A lot of it didn't really pertain to my situation, but a few verses just stood out:

32. I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. 33. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- 34. and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. 35. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

What a message from Him! I finally felt like it was exactly what we needed to do. Working this much has caused everything to be done halfway. I cannot focus on what I need to focus on as a woman. I have not been able to have undivided attention to the Lord or to my family. Thankfully, I can finally live out the purpose that God has for my life!

This is definitely a turning point in my relationship with God and Chris. I am learning not to try to control everything in my life and to REALLY put my trust in God. I say how much I trust God, but in reality I put my trust in my own abilities to get things done. I say that I trust Chris to provide for us, but in reality I am trusting myself.

Not to mention that I have taken away Chris' sense of manhood because I have not shown trust in him to provide for us. I am so thankful that God is opening my eyes to this sin in my own life. Chris is such an amazing man, I just need to stop trying to be the man so he can blossom! I am so thankful for the last 31 days of praying for him. I can really see the difference that it has made in his life.

Once I get things a little more settled I will really be able to blog like I want to! I would love to put more pictures of Michaela up here and post more things about her. She is one of the main reasons I started this and I haven't had many post about her. Thankfully, we will have much more Mommy/Baby time in the future.

Thank you God!!

Please Take Action

I write this post with a heavy heart. I listened to the Wednesday edition of Focus on the Family with tears in my eyes. There is a Bill, waiting for the Governor of Colorado to sign, that will obolish the difference between men and women.

This is only the beginning. Once this happens in a few states, it is only a matter of time before it happens in other states.

Here is the article from Citizenlink.org (Focus on the Family's legal branch of the ministry)

Colorado Legislation 'Normalizes All Varieties of Sexual Orientation'

Senate Bill 200, which is sitting on Colorado Gov. Bill Ritter's desk, is a dangerous piece of legislation that Dr. James Dobson will highlight on his Wednesday radio broadcast.
Supporters claim the bill will prevent discrimination; in reality, the bill endangers religious freedom by opening the door for the state to punish any person or organization — including small and home-based businesses — that refuses, for religious or other moral reasons, to offer or sell goods or services to homosexuals, bisexuals, "transgendered" and transsexual individuals.

Tom Minnery, senior vice president of government and public policy at Focus on the Family Action, wrote about the legislation for Saturday's Denver Post:

Proposed anti-bias law would open a Pandora's box

A disturbing question has lurked in the background of the growing clamor from the left to end all discrimination, for all reasons, in all places.

The question is this: are separate restrooms for men and women the modern-day equivalent of separate drinking fountains for whites and blacks?

If Gov. Bill Ritter signs a bill now sitting on his desk, the answer for Coloradans will be, unfortunately, yes. The bill is Senate Bill 200, a hastily conceived and vastly overwritten piece of legislation designed to forcibly normalize all varieties of sexual orientation.

There are multiple problems with this legislation, but the problem of restrooms is the most breathtaking one. Until now, establishments open to the public have been allowed to restrict certain restrooms and locker rooms to one sex if it made sense to do so, as it almost always does. With SB 200, however, we no longer have two "sexes"; we enter a brave new world with a myriad of "sexual orientations" that must not be discriminated against, upon pain of the substantial civil and criminal penalties contained in the bill.

Woe to the first women's fitness facility or mall owner who objects to a man dressed as a woman who wants to enter previously forbidden territory. And what an opportunity for sexual predators to use this law as "cover" to enter intimate areas in search of a victim.

And what an opportunity for confusion. In the bill, "sexual orientation" is defined as "a person's orientation toward heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, or transgender status or another person's perception thereof." This latter term includes cross-dressers, men who self-identify as women, women who self-identify as men, and people who are in the process of deciding.

Restrooms are not the only problem. The bill adds a prohibition against discrimination in "sexual orientation" to more than 23 separate provisions of Colorado law that already prohibit discrimination in various areas of public life. As a result, SB 200 threatens religious liberty. That's because Colorado's broadly defined "public accommodations" law includes not just hotels, restaurants, coffee shops, and all the usual places you'd think of, but also every small business, even a home-based business, that offers "goods or services" to the public.

A refusal to do business with someone based on a sincerely held religious belief that homosexuality is wrong would violate the law. That threatens the religious liberties of every Christian, Jewish or Muslim business owner who operates a business on faith-based principles.

This is not a hypothetical threat. In Albuquerque, which has a similar law, a Christian husband and wife who own and operate their own photography studio were recently hauled before that state's human rights commission and fined more than $6,600 for politely refusing, on religious grounds, to photograph a lesbian "commitment ceremony." We've seen similar charges brought by homosexuals against a video reproduction business in Virginia, a medical clinic in California, an adoption service in Arizona and a church in New Jersey.

Colorado tops them all on the potential outrage meter, however, because in addition to civil fines and penalties, small-business owners can be prosecuted under the criminal laws of Colorado and spend up to one year in jail for trying to live according to their faith.

To add insult to injury, your tax dollars will be used to prosecute these people of faith, and the legislature is expecting 30 complaints and three legal cases per year. We believe the people of Colorado would disapprove of small-business owners being hauled away to jail for refusing to promote messages contrary to their religious and moral beliefs, simply because they operate a small photography or other business.

None of us wants to see people humiliated or embarrassed because of how they appear in public and no one should be turned away from hotels, restaurants and other truly "public accommodations." But this law intrudes on the freedoms of conscience of untold numbers of people of faith, and the consequences for Colorado will be severe.

This law could be fixed if Democrats in the legislature wanted to work with conservatives to protect women and children, as well as the religious and moral beliefs of small- business owners.

Gov. Ritter should veto this version of the bill and ask the legislature to come back next year with something that we can all be proud of.

TAKE ACTION If you live in Colorado, please call Gov. Bill Ritter today and ask him to veto SB 200. If you can't get through with the first phone number listen, try the second. If you live outside Colorado, please e-mail the governor and ask him to veto this dangerous legislation. On the e-mail form, select "Share Your Opinion" from the drop-down menu.
Governor’s office (303) 866-2471
Evan Dreyer – governor’s spokesperson (720) 350-8370

Sending an email or making a phone call will only take a few minutes of your time but it can have a great impact on our children's future!