I cannot believe that it has been over a week since I have wrote anything on here! I haven't been at work as much and to be honest, I get a lot of blogging done on my lunch breaks. But there is good news about why I haven't been at work....
July 14th is my last day working full time!! I get to come home to my baby! I will still have to work a part time job for about 15 hours a week to make ends meet, but I am so thankful to have the opportunity to really devote my time to my real purpose from God! We have known for a long time that my purpose is to be at home to take care of my husband, my home and my child. We just had to figure out the logistics in order to make it a reality.
This has been one of the most frightening decisions we have ever made. We have been praying and fasting about this decision for a while now. My affirmation from God finally came one night after Chris and Michaela had already went to bed. I sat down and wrote out our budget again (for the 17th time). I looked at the facts on paper and just starting crying. I asked God why He really wanted us to do this. When I looked at the facts on paper it just didn't seem rational. He told me to pick up the Bible in front of me and read 1 Corinthians 7.
At first, I thought it was just me making up some random verse but once I started reading I knew it was a message straight from Him. The entire chapter was about marriage. A lot of it didn't really pertain to my situation, but a few verses just stood out:
32. I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. 33. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- 34. and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. 35. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
What a message from Him! I finally felt like it was exactly what we needed to do. Working this much has caused everything to be done halfway. I cannot focus on what I need to focus on as a woman. I have not been able to have undivided attention to the Lord or to my family. Thankfully, I can finally live out the purpose that God has for my life!
This is definitely a turning point in my relationship with God and Chris. I am learning not to try to control everything in my life and to REALLY put my trust in God. I say how much I trust God, but in reality I put my trust in my own abilities to get things done. I say that I trust Chris to provide for us, but in reality I am trusting myself.
Not to mention that I have taken away Chris' sense of manhood because I have not shown trust in him to provide for us. I am so thankful that God is opening my eyes to this sin in my own life. Chris is such an amazing man, I just need to stop trying to be the man so he can blossom! I am so thankful for the last 31 days of praying for him. I can really see the difference that it has made in his life.
Once I get things a little more settled I will really be able to blog like I want to! I would love to put more pictures of Michaela up here and post more things about her. She is one of the main reasons I started this and I haven't had many post about her. Thankfully, we will have much more Mommy/Baby time in the future.
Thank you God!!