This week I have a more serious confession to make. It didn't even really hit me that I needed confession in this area until the last few days. That really scares me...
Let me explain.
Ever since our accident I have had a real spiritual roller coaster. At first, I was on top of the mountain with God. He had shown his faithfulness by sparing my family from death. The healing process has been long, but nonetheless He is faithful to heal. That was apparent in the beginning. I was praying more then I think I ever had in my walk with Christ and felt really in tune with him.
Then we left the hospital a few weeks later and our new "normal" had begun. I had lots of help from family and friends, but I was still extremely busy. I was the only person of our family that didn't need someone else to take care of them. In just a matter of months it went from 1 person to care for, then Corbin was born and then overnight I had to do EVERYTHING for my husband as well. From the moment my feet hit the floor until my head hit the pillow I was helping someone.
Now, I'm not complaining (I have at moments though). But somewhere during all of this business I just slowly started to lose my focus on God. We were also not able to go to church for months which can really but a damper on your spiritual life. I was praying less, reading less and thinking about Him less. Then a few days ago it hit me: I hadn't even thought about the fact that I was getting further from Him in days.
Unfortunately, I am not the only one affected from my sin. When I am not focused on God and growing in Him, my children are not going to be focused on Him. At this age they look at us for guidance. They look up to us and follow our example whether it is good or bad. The things I have been doing with her are not evil in and of them self but when they are the only focus it becomes bad.
After the accident I gave into things that she wanted more then what was good for her because I wanted to make her feel better. We slipped into a horrible habit of lots of TV but when you are stuck in a hospital room for a week there isn't much you can do. As a parent you also want to try to do anything within your power to make them feel better. Then once we got home I was so busy I let her watch TV-all the time. Now I don't think there is anything wrong with Dora or Backyardigans or Veggietales, etc., but I do feel like I need to incorporate a balance. The other night she told me to stop praying and sing the theme song for Dora. At that moment I knew I needed to make some changes within our household.
And God is always faithful. I read a great post about resources for training your child but I just knew we didn't have the money right now. I got on Amazon, saved a few things in my cart and logged off. The very next day my father-in-law hands me a card from a friend of his. Inside the card was a check with a note that simply said, "From one friend of the Lord's to another."
I am so thankful that even when I lose sight of what is important God is willing to let me try again.
Guilty I might fall, but forgiven I will rise.
Posted by Amanda